Tag Archives: death

The day (OK , the second day) the Earth stood still…..

June 6th, the day I will skip next year.

June is typically a good month for us and, until a year ago, the 6th had no meaning.  My mom’s birthday is the 4th, my husband’s step mom’s birthday is the 8th and our anniversary is the 9th.  Father’s Day is in June, the beginning of summer, the kids are out of school and summer vacation is still ‘new.’  Not a bad month, right?

Last year on June 6th, my father passed away.  It was a long process; we knew it was coming.  We were relieved, for my dad and his suffering, when it finally happened, but mourned greatly for our loss.  My dad was ready; he had been for a while.  It was no surprise, but was still very hard to deal with.

As we approached this anniversary I knew my mom’s birthday would be rough, but she handled it very well.  The day (today) arrived and things started as usual.  I went to yoga, dedicated my practice to my dad and had a great class.  I tried to contact my mom (who lives, literally, next door to us) and could not see any lights on.  I knew the day would be rough and did not want to wake her if she was sleeping.  Mid morning I finally called and got no answer.  A few minutes later she called me.

The conversation started as expected…rough day, tears on both sides of the phone.  Then she tells me she just talked to my sister. 

At this point I need to back up and give some history.  A while ago….many months, maybe close to a year ago, my sister’s little ‘Toto-like’ dog got hit by a car and passed away.  She was devastated, as was the Brick.  When my sister had visited last summer, before my dad passed, the Brick fell IN-LOVE with this dog.  He was the perfect blend of cuddly lap dog and feisty little “big dog in a small body.”  Within a few weeks of the dog’s passing, she found a similar sized and looking dog that just seemed perfect.  Not a replacement by any stretch, but a nice addition to her fur babies.

So, back to today.  My mom tells me that she has just talked to my sister and that her new dog has just, like 10 minutes ago, been hit by a car.  He dug under the fence (that was installed in the last year) while my sister was working in her memory garden and ran.  Before she could get him back or get to him, he got in the street.  Oh, my!!  To have him go, the same way as his predecessor and on today of all days!!!  Obviously, she was very upset.  My mom, being half a country away and unable to do anything to help, was also very upset.  Again…the irony.  TODAY??  Really????

The day goes on and things seem to settle.  THEN!!!!  My father in law (whose wife’s birthday is the 8th) has been having some tests done for some blood/white cell issues.  Hub’s step mom called him to let him know that his dad has Acute Myeloid Leukemia.  WTF????  Really?  Not to sound selfish, but today we get this info?!?!!?  Couldn’t the tests have taken longer to get back…just a day??  Haven’t we had enough!  There are three options for treatment:  1. Do nothing and prognosis is 3-4 months  2. Chemo once a month for the rest of his life (this is an otherwise healthy active man)  3. Go through 7 days of massive chemo in the hospital, in hopes of killing all the existing bone marrow blood cells and the new cells growing back healthy, with an additional month of hospitalization and tests.  His decision needs to be made by Monday so he can be hospitalized on Tuesday after a platelet transfusion.

We are strong!  We will move through this and all else we face!  We have faced great obstacles and overcome them already!  Both sides of our family are strong and close.  We have support from and give support to each other.  I do not doubt we will move through this with struggles, tears, strength and hope.  We will recover and thrive.  My FIL will fight and do any and all things he can to heal.  Today was rough, very rough.  But—tomorrow is new day.

Ironically the ‘Daily Ohm’ reading in yoga this morning was about sending out good thoughts instead of negative ones.  About not worrying about family or friends, but sending positive thoughts and prayers forward.  Because, as we worry we fill the world with negativity and that impacts our attitude and actions as well as those we encounter.  Instead, we should send forth positive thoughts and prayers for success and healing, not worry and fret, because the positivity will carry us, and all those we touch in our day, into tomorrow.

Tonight as I reflect on a very emotional day, I send forward thoughts and prayers for healing, closure, love and strength to all of my family and friends.  I send positive thoughts to all of you, to all of the people I encounter and to the world.  In the closing of my yoga instructor……

“In each of us there is a place where the entire universe dwells.  A place that is full of love, light, peace and joy. When you are in that place in you and I am in that place in me, We Are One.” 

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My Father’s Ghost…..

Well, not ghost.  Reincarnate?  No, that’s not right either.  You decide….

I was sitting in the optometrist office yesterday while the Brick was getting his vision therapy.  With only a few moments to go before the end of the session, I was trying to finish up a game on my iPad.  The office door opens and I notice a pair of jeaned legs and sneakered feet shuffle in.  For some weird reason I thought of my dad, who passed away June 6 of last year.  My dad almost always wore jeans and sneakers while at home, but so do many men.  Maybe the upcoming anniversary of his passing has my dad in the forefront of my mind.  I don’t know why this pair of legs and feet made me think of him.

I look up at the gentleman the feet and legs are attached to and the tears well in my eyes.  This man, this total stranger, could have been my father’s twin!  I stared—like socially inappropriately stared, with tears welling in my eyes!  The gentleman spoke and the voice was dramatically different from my father’s and I was snapped back into reality.  Knowing the Brick would walk out any second I fought the tears and looked back down at my iPad, still processing what I had just seen.

The inside office door opens and the Brick walks back into the lobby area and says, in a normal volume “Mom, its Grandad!” I could tell by his face and expression he knew it was not really my dad, but that this gentleman looked just like him.  The Brick had a funny sort of smile and odd expression on his face.  I asked how vision therapy was and he replied.  I stood up and we walked outside.  The Brick turned to me and said “He even smelled like Grandad.” 

By this time the tears had returned and I was shaking and crying.  I miss my dad so much and having seen someone who so closely resembled him so close to the anniversary of his passing was just too bizarre.   We got in the car and the Brick asked “Maybe Grandad got reincarnated?”  I replied “I doubt it.  He was ready to be with God and now Grandad is healthy and not in pain.”  “I know” the Brick said “but it would be cool to see him again.”

Yes, it would buddy, yes it would.  Love and miss you Daddy!

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